How to be a Foolish Husband

I could write a book on this topic, and I don’t say that lugubriously. Thanks to the gospel, I am free to confess my failings as a husband with the hopes that it will help others. Christians often feel like they have to project these perfect marriages out to the world, because that will win people to Christ. And while we do want our marriages to be re-enactments of the gospel for the world to see–a lover dies for his bride, while the bride joyfully submits to her self-sacrificing groom–we can’t fake it. People are won over by reality, not projections. When we try faking the funk, people smell it. They’re not dumb. While we strive to strengthen our marriages in a world where things constantly fall apart, we need to be open about where we’re struggling (without being mindless about our audience).

One way to be a foolish husband is to be unwilling to endure discomfort for the sake of showing your wife love. Let’s say that your wife likes it when you wear certain types of clothing for certain occasions, but one day you wake up on one of those occasions and you don’t feel like wearing the clothing. And let’s say that you’re wife, being very sweet, gently asks you to wear that clothing she likes when she sees that you’ve got other intentions.

A lot is shooting through your head in moments like these: Why can’t she just be happy that I’m comfortable? Why do I need to do something that my buddy’s wife never expects him to do? The thoughts we have in times like these are, essentially: 1) Why can’t she change for me, and 2) Why do I have to change for her? (See how foolish we can be?)

But a wise man in these situations senses this hypocritical gibberish for what it is and instead reflects on reality. A wise man knows what he has. In these situations, as Christians, we know that we have 1) exactly the wife God wants us to have, because we’re married to her! and 2) unsearchable riches in the gospel.

When we choose to think on these excellent things, we find that wearing some uncomfortable clothing for the day is a pittance of a sacrifice next to that which Christ has made for us. Because we are so loved by Him, we no longer need to look after our own rights, making a stand against the perceived “wrongs” that our wives do us by caring about things that we may not care about. Because Jesus was willing to completely enter into our world for our sake, we can make the sacrifice of entering into the worlds of our wives and beginning to care about what they care about.

This is just the beginning of how the gospel can change our marriages.


About davestuartjr
Dave Stuart Jr. is a full-time teacher who writes about becoming better, saner teachers at He is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Crystal, and a father to Hadassah, Laura, and Marlena.

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