Marriage Monday: 20 Questions to Ask Your Spouse

Recently, Crystal and I took a date to Big Boy. While sharing a dessert together, I began asking her the list of questions below. Some of them were quick answers, but most of them led to the real, person-to-person conversation that feeds our marital unity, and thereby improves the clarity of what our marriage is: a re-enactment of the gospel.

I take credit for none of these questions: 20 of them came from a book we read during our pre-marriage counseling (I don’t remember the name of the book — if you recognize the questions, let me know!), and the last one came from The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.

20 Questions for a Date or Two


  1. What is your greatest hope or dream?
  2. What do you enjoy the most about your life right now?
  3. What do you enjoy least about your life right now?
  4. What would your dream job be if you could do anything and get paid for it?
  5. What are some things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the opportunity yet?
  6. What three things would you like to do before the next year passes?
  7. Who do you feel the most “safe” being with? Why?
  8. If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?
  9. When was the last time you felt filled with joy?
  10. If you had to give away a million dollars, who would you give it to?


  1. What are three things that I do you really like?
  2. What are three things I do that drive you crazy?
  3. What have I done in the past that made you feel loved?
  4. What have I done in the past that made you feel unappreciated?
  5. What are three things that I can work on?
  6. Of the following, what would make you feel the most loved?
    1. Having your body massaged and caressed for an hour.
    2. Sitting and talking for an hour about your favorite subject.
    3. Having help around the house for an afternoon.
    4. Receiving a very nice gift.
    5. Hearing encouragement about how appreciated you are.
  7. What three things in the past do you wish could be erased from ever happening?
  8. What is the next major decision you think God would want us to make as a couple?
  9. What would you like your life to look like five years from now?
  10. What words would you like to hear from me more often?
Quality Time
  1. List five activites that you would like to do with me. These can be things that we both enjoy, or things that you primarily enjoy. They can be things we’ve done together before, or things we’ve never done.



About davestuartjr
Dave Stuart Jr. is a full-time teacher who writes about becoming better, saner teachers at He is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Crystal, and a father to Hadassah, Laura, and Marlena.

One Response to Marriage Monday: 20 Questions to Ask Your Spouse

  1. banquet says:

    These questions are from Appendix III of “The Love Dare” book by Stephen and Alex Kendrick.

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